Personal*

This is kinda personal, but I am heartbroken. My boyfriend and I split for good and it's hitting me, hardcore. Of course, it decides to strike en route to work this beautiful Monday morning. It couldn't hit me when I  had people around me to comfort me or even when I was home alone to wail it out.  I text-ed him "killing me softly" because it is. I don't expect a reply, but I had to let him know that I am aching over this. Then I tweeted "my heart has been eviscerated", because I just needed to put it out there, without putting it out there. I know very few, if any, people read this blog, so its kind of like an online journal for me.  If I could put into words, my disappointment over a) the fact that we failed and b) the fact that it went down so messy they would be: loss and celibate. Loss because he lost one person and I lost three. Celibate because I have taken a vow, to be celibate from all relationships, physical and emotional from now until..well, possibly until forever. The fact that he was a friend for so long makes it even harder. The fact that I will never see the children again makes it even more difficult. I considered having new dating rules like: never date people with children, never date people that have not been on their same job for many years, if you start seeing someone who views don't match up very closely to your own, end it, never date people who have drama or crazy exes, never date people who make  a lot of promises, only date those who show you the fruit without having a need to promise it to you first, etc, then I decided that the safest way to ensure that I will not have a broken heart is to take myself out of the game all together. So that is where I am today. After work today, I am going to smudge in hopes of getting rid of any and all negative energy for good.